on being antisocial

occasionally theres the antisocial feeling where u have enough time spent out after like 3 weeks of not being at home at all and wanting some time to urself

i'm assuming this happens to the usual ordinary person. or at least i usually feel like this.

anyway, whatever it is, point is that im permanently anti-social. mayb not permanently as in forever, but permanently in the near future. these few days im quite contented sitting at home doing nothing. oh mayb there's study to do as a reason to not go out. but seriously thats just an excuse to procrastinate at home?

doesnt sound like jess at all. the jess i knw likes to go out all the time. every single possible minute of the day.

but now im happy sitting at home having my me time and its so hard to drag my lazy arse outside the house at all. my daily routine is house-honours room-house. i dont see anyone else. my social circle will be officially diminished to ppl at home and the honours room if i continue like this....

ok. resolution is to see some sun...while its still around. get out of the house and actually meet ppl like i planned to instead of cancelling.... and making effort to turn up on time and stay till the end instead of shooting off early and coming in late.

life nowadays

i remember back in the day when i was in secondary school... all i did was go to school and then go to my 101 after school activities. mondays was piano lessons, tuesdays were extra classes for malay language, weds till sat was dance classes..be it rehersals or whatever dance i was doing at that time.

i remember back in the day when i was in my 1st year of uni. well..there were assignments and classes, but no worries and the joy of meeting heaps and heaps of new people and spending like half the day talking and going shopping, hanging out and meeting more ppl...

i remember back in second year. i think this was the year i partied the most. well..there was the dinners and drinks and town. lots of town. too much of town till i got sick of town. was the year i was busy with a whole lot of ICF stuff too.

last year. i think i mellowed down a whole lot. actually spent a whole lot of time working, more than anything else. did some study here and there, definately more than the past 2 years, still had a balance social/study/work life...i think

this year. my FINAL year at university. seriously half of me cant wait to leave this place, yet the other half still wishes it could continue on. i love student life. at least i think i still do. the freedom to wake up whenever u want to, to go to class... but now... i study most of my day [or at least try to study most of my day], have done more reading in the past 3 weeks than in an entire trimester in uni previously. now it really takes so much effort to want to go out and to socialise...when all i want to do in my free time now is sleep.

gosh. things really do change in just a few years.

honours

to do or not to do...

that was the questions bugging me the entire week and the week after that once i've touched down. was sooo close to not doing honours and even handing in my change of course form.

but i guess deep down God was trying to point me in the right direction. i guess i did knw what i SHOULD do but i just followed more of my heart which was telling me what i WANTED to do..

thanks to all those who convinced me that honours was in my best interest. heartfelt thanks to anna, jax, aikwin, chow and the many more who helped me make my decision and pointing out the obvious and not so obvious to me...and listening to me going on and on and on abt all my pros and cons, going in circles...trying to decide between both my opinions.

i guess now i'm still trying to get my head around the whole honours deal. with different classes, different style of teaching and the enormous workload that i'm having at the moment. still getting there and getting used to it. perhaps even catching up on last week's work that im still behind in cuz was too busy trying to decide whether to do it or not to do it

i guess the great thing is that decision is made and im not looking back. just heading forward

i just need to pray now for the second round of scholarships to come out. hopefully i'll get one *crosses fingers and prays*